Well, sure I encouraged Paul to apply to Columbia University and thought it would be great choice for him. Meanwhile, I really only considered the quality and reputation of the theater department and the importance of his graduate degree. I really didn’t think about the reality of his life there, well and that part is great. What I mean is, and this is sort of difficult to admit because it feels selfish, but what I didn’t really consider is how much I would miss him and how I kind of wish he had never been accepted. Well, now I’ve said it, but instead of feeling better, which I thought was supposed to be the case when you admit things, I feel worse and am slightly paranoid I’ve jinxed the relationship. Too bad I didn’t think to jinx his application before he sent it off. Oops.
Well, that didn’t take long. I just got off the phone with Paul who said he really needed to speak to me about something. Unfortunately, he also said he couldn’t do it now because he had to get back to the Riverside Theater but wanted to make plans for a long conversation tomorrow. Yikes, what does he want to talk about? I think he said they were working on a production called Black Snow, but why would he want to talk to me about that? Besides, I’m kind of sick of hearing about what a great program it is and all the cool people that are in it and the great instructors there. He seems so happy. He couldn’t possibly be thinking about quitting. And I visited last October and saw the production of Lifetime Fairytale. It really is a good program, I give it that. But if he’s so happy there, dang, I don’t want to think about it. Why’d he call me to tell me he wanted to call me tomorrow? Why didn’t he just do it?
Okay, I’m back, I just called the airlines and also possible hotel reservations. They actually have good prices right now and you can find great deals here. But back to my dilemma, I thought maybe I should try and fly out tonight because I can’t top worrying about what he needs to talk about. He’s getting the MFA in Dramaturgy and expects to be finished in three years. Is he already thinking about staying in New York after he graduates? He said he was going to move back to Chicago, and come on, there are plenty of theater career opportunities here. And I’m here! This is going to drive me crazy. I have to try and get some sleep though. If I’m going to get dumped I don’t want to be sleep deprived when it happens. I gotta go, I’ll check back in tomorrow after I talk to him.